Some anectodes from my recent trips

Here's some conversations I've had with my customers lately (both real and imagined):

At lunch:
Waitress: Would you like fries with your sandwich?
Customer: No, I'd like a salad
Waitress: That'll cost extra
Customer: I'll have fries then
Me (in my mind): THAT'S WHY YOU'RE OBESE [Ok so I was more of a witness to this conversation.  Not to worry, it gets better.]

At another lunch:
Customer: Can we ask how old you are?
Me: Sure, everyone always asks.  I'm 25.
Customer: Oh, good.  We had a bet going that you were 12.
Me (in my mind): ARE YOU KIDDING ME??

At lunch again:
Customer: How long have you worked for Meditech?
Me: About 2 1/2 years.
Customer: So did you start when you were 12 or 13?
Me (to myself): ARE YOU F---ING KIDDING ME?  Actually, I guess that means I look 15 today... At least it's better than 12. [This seems to be a recurring theme so if anyone has any idea how to make me at least look LEGAL I'd greatly appreciate some suggestions.]

In a meeting:
Customer1: So you're telling me that it'll let you edit the information?
Me: Yes, it will.
Customer2: We assumed it would be smart enough to know that we don't want it to do that.
Me: *blank stare and pause to compose myself*
Me (meanwhile, in my head): DO YOU SERIOUSLY WANT A COMPUTER TO READ YOUR MIND??  IF THEY COULD DO THAT WHAT'S TO STOP THEM FROM TAKING OVER THE WORLD LIKE IN AI OR THE MATRIX?  FORGET ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE EVERYONE, THE NURSES HAVE DECIDED THAT THEY'D PREFER A ROBOT APOCALYPSE.  And also you're a complete moron if you think that a computer will function a certain way because you ASSume it should work that way.  ARE YOU REALLY TRYING TO CONTROL IT WITH YOUR MIND AND HAVE IT READ YOURS???
Me (out loud): Well it was designed to work this way.  If you're interested in different functionality we can look into your options for setting up the system differently.